Some Math

I'm anxiously awaiting my harvest tomorrow morning and I'm a little bit nervous/excited. When the kind nurse was taking my blood yesterday I asked her if I would be notified how many eggs I produced. She looked at me a little crazy and answered "Sure, why not". The nurses at my clinic are the best and make me feel so taken care of. Along with the doctors, they answer all of my wacky questions about fertility and my medications with a smile. I was told I was one of the more inquisitive donors. I JUST WANT TO KNOW SHIT!

Also, I want them to harvest at least 15 eggs from me! How cool would that be? I just want to be fruitful. I'll feel like a total failure if they only get like, 2.  My cunt is a cornucopia of ovarian delights! At least I hope.

Extra weird side effects today: continued bloating! mega tender boobs! runny stools (it's like period poop) and crazy intense vag odor. It smells like ovulating x10. I mentioned the extra fragrant armpit thing earlier but today I noticed the crotch was also doing something special. The gay husband suggested my odor was due to my pheromones  since I was so fertile. My uterus just wants all the sperm up inside me so I can get pregnant with quintuplets. No, thanks.

As I'm getting ready for the retrieval tomorrow morning, I'm also wondering about all the drugs that have been put into my body and how I'm going to recover from not only the retrieval but the return to normal hormones! Let's review:

Over 6 months of birth control. No big deal. EXCEPT I WENT APESHIT CRAZY FOR THE FIRST 2 OR 3 MONTHS!

7 days of evening Follistim injections totaling 975 IU. 4 days of morning Ganirelix injections totaling 1000mcg. And finally about 90 IU of hCG and 90 IU of Lupron. Surprisingly mild side effects.

At the end of all of this I jabbed myself in the belly 13 times. I'm still way more scared of the antibiotics that I need to take after the retrieval.......

Hello, yeast infection! I may as well start putting the the probiotics up my gloryhole right the fuck now. Ugh.


So in conclusion, nervous. Excited! Hopeful! I've never been under anaesthesia and that makes me scared. What's that like? IS IT SHITLOADS OF FUN? I wish I could be present during the process. Today felt so strange not doing any shots and not getting a reassuring call from the clinic confirming that my bloodwork was looking good. I feel like I need somebody to hold my hand.......and to remind me that I can't eat or drink anything after midnight. I want some Pad Thai and a hug.

P.S. my doctor called me earlier today and asked if I wanted to go on the Dr. Oz show with him. I said HELL NO! My entire family has no clue that I'm doing this and neither does my boyfriend who I want to hump more than anything in the world right now. More than Pad Thai and poppy seed bagels. Plus, what the fuck would I say on national television that wouldn't need to be heavily censored?