How many eggs!? No sex for you.

Yesterday was my harvest and this is what I wore!

Not as cool as the overalls but still foxy.

The whole process was pretty amazing. I got to the clinic a little after 9 AM.  The always friendly fertility clinic staff got me all suited up in the finest hospital garb and gave me all sorts of magazines to read. I had a chat with the anesthesiologist about any allergies. He took my blood pressure, height, weight, etc., all the usual stuff.

Then I got into the crazy surgery bed with gyno stirrups that they strap your legs too! I was officially creeped out. And FREEZING! Nurses to the rescue! I was immediately swathed in warm blankets and given a foot rub. Not bad. I glanced at the clock and saw it was 10:15 AM. This was it. All strapped in. No turning back. I'm going to produce at least 15 eggs dammit.

Then I was given the little oxygen tubes in the nostrils and my anesthesiologist told me he was going to get my drip started just a teensy bit so I could start relaxing. I blinked and woke up in the recovery room! No, I'm serious. It was 10:55. The first thing out of my mouth was "HOW MANY EGGS?!?!?!?!" A nurse laughed at me and said "26" (!!!!!!!!!) as she was walking away I started cackling to myself like a crazy person and mumbling loudly "OH THAT'S WONDERFUL!" What? I'm sure people do weirder shit than that after being put under. I've seed David after the Dentist.

I glanced around and another nurse asked if I wanted any water, juice, or crackers since I had been forbidden from eating or drinking since the previous night. My response "Yes! All of them!" After that I was allowed to get dressed in real people clothes (well not really, I was told to wear sweatpants and was NOT PLEASED about it) and use the bathroom and read more magazines while the drugs wore off.

I felt pretty great. No pain. No blood. Some nasty cramps but nothing worse than what I would get in high school. I was feeling so good that when Gay Husband dutifully came to pick me up I wanted to walk across town to get (finally!) Everything bagels. I imagined being a bundle of pain and grogginess that was rolled into a cab but everything was so much better! Hurray!

The shitty cramps continued into this morning but not so bad that I couldn't go to class. By late afternoon they were mostly gone. I was planning on doing the sex tonight but I feel a yeast infection coming on (knew it), boyfriend hurt his back, and I'm feeling super moody. I don't know if the moodiness is my hormone levels trying to readjust themselves after all the injections, or a result of my mother telling me hair looks bad, or a combination of both. All I know is that I want to stay inside or magically be transported to boyfriend's apartment sans having to deal with public transportation. I also want to start collecting unique and beautiful hats to cover up my stupid head during the unfortunate growing out a haircut phase.

But I still want to have the sex : (

Some Math

I'm anxiously awaiting my harvest tomorrow morning and I'm a little bit nervous/excited. When the kind nurse was taking my blood yesterday I asked her if I would be notified how many eggs I produced. She looked at me a little crazy and answered "Sure, why not". The nurses at my clinic are the best and make me feel so taken care of. Along with the doctors, they answer all of my wacky questions about fertility and my medications with a smile. I was told I was one of the more inquisitive donors. I JUST WANT TO KNOW SHIT!

Also, I want them to harvest at least 15 eggs from me! How cool would that be? I just want to be fruitful. I'll feel like a total failure if they only get like, 2.  My cunt is a cornucopia of ovarian delights! At least I hope.

Extra weird side effects today: continued bloating! mega tender boobs! runny stools (it's like period poop) and crazy intense vag odor. It smells like ovulating x10. I mentioned the extra fragrant armpit thing earlier but today I noticed the crotch was also doing something special. The gay husband suggested my odor was due to my pheromones  since I was so fertile. My uterus just wants all the sperm up inside me so I can get pregnant with quintuplets. No, thanks.

As I'm getting ready for the retrieval tomorrow morning, I'm also wondering about all the drugs that have been put into my body and how I'm going to recover from not only the retrieval but the return to normal hormones! Let's review:

Over 6 months of birth control. No big deal. EXCEPT I WENT APESHIT CRAZY FOR THE FIRST 2 OR 3 MONTHS!

7 days of evening Follistim injections totaling 975 IU. 4 days of morning Ganirelix injections totaling 1000mcg. And finally about 90 IU of hCG and 90 IU of Lupron. Surprisingly mild side effects.

At the end of all of this I jabbed myself in the belly 13 times. I'm still way more scared of the antibiotics that I need to take after the retrieval.......

Hello, yeast infection! I may as well start putting the the probiotics up my gloryhole right the fuck now. Ugh.


So in conclusion, nervous. Excited! Hopeful! I've never been under anaesthesia and that makes me scared. What's that like? IS IT SHITLOADS OF FUN? I wish I could be present during the process. Today felt so strange not doing any shots and not getting a reassuring call from the clinic confirming that my bloodwork was looking good. I feel like I need somebody to hold my hand.......and to remind me that I can't eat or drink anything after midnight. I want some Pad Thai and a hug.

P.S. my doctor called me earlier today and asked if I wanted to go on the Dr. Oz show with him. I said HELL NO! My entire family has no clue that I'm doing this and neither does my boyfriend who I want to hump more than anything in the world right now. More than Pad Thai and poppy seed bagels. Plus, what the fuck would I say on national television that wouldn't need to be heavily censored?

Get ready for the harvest!

Done with the needles! A mere twenty minutes ago, I injected my last two shots. The BIG ones. By this I mean Lupron and human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG). I was getting so used to my morning Follistim injection (to recruit my follicles) and not so used to my bedtime Ganirelix injections (to prevent ovulation and wasted eggs!) but I'm ready to be done with the needles. Even for me, it was getting to be a bit much. 

As I mentioned earlier, I had super mild side-effects to all the previous meds. I think I'll have a harder time with the antibiotics that I'll be taking after the harvest (hello, yeast infection!). I'm knocking on wood that my good luck continues with the BIG shots. These two BAMFs (bad ass motherf*ckers) are supposed to induce ovulation. This is going to be the ovulation of the century as I'm hopefully carrying at least ten ripe eggs.  They're also the least glamorous meds I've taken. At least the Ganirelix came in a glass pre-filled syringe. The hCG and Lupron came in nondescript glass vials that I had to jab with plastic syringes and swirl around to suck up all the drops. I was so thoroughly spoiled by the fancy Follistim pen.  Here's a useful page detailing all the drugs (minus the Luprons) http://www.stanford.edu/class/siw198q/websites/eggdonor/procedures.html

So, lets be real with the side effects here.  In the past few days the bloating has gone up. I have to be careful when I run or sit down too fast because I FEEL MY OVARIES JOSTLE AROUND INSIDE ME! It's sort of cool/creepy. My breasts are incredibly puffy and tender. I went from an A cup to a B cup and that shit hurts! My mood has been pretty content. Maybe a little extra horny? Craving carbs and chocolate? My skin looks pretty nice. Not too bad.

And finally! The harvest!!!

I think this is an appropriate outfit, don't you? My harvest is scheduled for this Friday at 9 AM. Can't wait!

I just had sex!

and it felt so good!

Not right now. But Friday night. And it was great. No weird tenderness or pain. I was a little bit concerned about  overexerting my precious ovaries in the frenzied humping but everything turned out just fine! Boooooring. But still. SEX!

Saturday was also uneventful except for a horrible migraine that slowly started brewing at a dear friends birthday party. I was in denial even though  I'm very familiar with the telltale signs of an upcoming migraine, the escalating nausea, dull headache, confusion. Because I get migraines occasionally I can't say for sure whether or not this was related to the Follistim.  Headaches are one of the many vague and non-threatening side effects of every drug ever. Possibly, maybe, who knows?

Some pretty awesome news helped me get over my post-migraine hangover this morning! My ovaries are ripe enough to start my Ganirelix injections! I had my first one this morning and though the needle is teeny tiny, I've been spoiled by the Follistim pen.

Like my glam manicure? Check out this nail blog, Suck My Dick Nails .

Back to drugs. This drug is meant to PREVENT ovulation, allowing my ovaries even more time to ripen up. So, that's one shot in the AM and one in the PM. It's a getting to be sort of a hassle to stab myself in the belly everyday but luckily I don't mind needles. Also, the prefilled Ganirelix syringes just lack the sophistication of the Follistim pen. They make me feel like a drug user.  NOT GLAMOROUS OR COOL LIKE THE FOLLISTIM PEN!

It's been a few days on Follistim now, exactly 5 if we're counting, plus a 6th shot this evening.  The bloating has begun! I need to find all my empire waist dresses/shirts, tunics, leggings, and shapeless shift dresses. It's getting hard to zip my jeans and it's only going to get worse. I weighed myself today and wish I had been clever enough to weigh myself all along. Let's just say I'm a few pounds heavier than I remember. Could be my new obsession with Trader Joe's chocolate pudding. Maybe? Let's blame the drugs.

Finally, weird side-effects! Other than bloating I'm having some tenderness in the underarm lymph node area. It feels almost like a have a cold. I have extra funky pit and foot odor. Vag odor remains normal. I also want some more humping. That may be a  side-effect or could just be me. They never put that on the long, teensy tiny font warnings in the drug pamphlets. Side effects may include: HORNY!

boring......

Day 2 on Follistim

Fun Fact: Follistim is also prescribed to men to increase sperm count.

Nothing super exciting or gross to report today. No unusual vaginal discharge, dizziness, nausea, urge to kill kittens, etc. I felt just regular PMS bloated like yesterday. I went back for more blood work this morning but no pap or ultrasound. Up until now this has been a really low key process but it looks like I'll have to go in pretty often to check my hormone levels and follicle size. Still, it's pretty manageable as the visits only last a few minutes.

On my way out of the fertility center, I asked my nurse if there are any foods, drink, or ACTIVITIES that I should avoid. I lingered for a while when I mentioned the ACTIVITIES and tried sounding as much like a horny pervert as possible. (I want sex info remember?) She just scrunched up her cute little face a little and casually mentioned avoiding excessive alcohol consumption. Sigh.

This afternoon, I got a call after my blood work was processed to tell me that my new dose of Follistim is 125 IU down from 200 IU, so tonight I'll take my third shot at this new dose. The more I try to find info about horrible side effects for this drug the better I feel about taking it. It seems to be a pretty straightforward synthesized version of the follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) that women already produce. No big deal. Obviously, a dosage that is too high could result in ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) but that could also happen organically, sans injections. It seems like all these fears about the harmful side effects of these drugs are overly exaggerated. The drug that I'll be taking right before my harvest to stimulate ovulation seems a bit scary but it's only 2 doses.

Remember the epic 2000 movie LOSER with Jason Biggs and Mena Suvari?

Of course you do. Well, then you clearly remember when Mena Suvari decides to donate her eggs for tuition money and Jason Biggs saves her life with research proving that those fertility drugs will give her cancer! Either Jason Biggs is full of shit or the meds around in 2000 were way scarier than the ones I have in my fridge now.

Tomorrow morning I'm back in for a super early ultrasound to check my OVARY SIZE! How weird is that? But I figure, if I can handle the ulrasonic dildo in me then I can handle a regular dildo, right? RIGHT! My boyfriend is currently in Florida and although we're not exclusive, I sort of only have eyes for him. Gross, right? Anyway, I want him to come back now so I can fuck the shit out of him. Hopefully, it won't jostle around my ripe ovaries too much.

FEELINGS!

So today was my first day on Follistim. I'm disappointed to report that I've been feeling totally normal. My ovaries don't feel like oranges. I'm not extremely sad or homicidal. Just boring old regular. I HAVE been a teensy bit PMS-y since I stopped taking my birth control this Friday but don't think that has to do with the Follistim. Today is Wednesday and I still haven't gotten a period so I was prepared for a bit of bloating and extra tenderness around cute puppies since Saturday. Now it's another shot and off to bed. Maybe the fun crazy shit kicks in tomorrow?

Shooting Up: Nerd Style

Yesterday I became a woman! At the very least, I became a very fertile woman. After dutifully showing up to my 8 AM pap, ultrasound, and blood work appointment, I was finally given the green light to start my follicle recruitment! Doesn't that sound patriotic? We recruit.........your eggs. Anyway, after the ultrasound revealed that my big ugly cyst was finally gone, I was taken aside where I was taught how to inject all the drugs into my tender belly. 

First up, there's Follistim. I had to wait for a phone call to confirm my hormone levels in the blood samples were normal. Once that happened, I was told to inject my first shot that very evening! This drug is supposed to recruit extra follicles in hopes of recruiting extra eggs. It comes in a hilarious little pen device, complete with clip......in case you need to clip it to your shirt pocket?

Pretty snazzy, huh? Makes me wish they had something this convenient for my bf's meds. His testosterone not only lacks the helpful clip cap and pen delivery system, the needle is fucking enormous compared to this.  Once I plop in the vial of Follistim, it can just hang out in the pen until it's done. I only need to replace the super tiny needle. I barely felt it go in to my belly at all. I looked into the side affects of this drug and they seem a lot more reasonable than your typical acne or depression meds. The most serious one is big-ass ovaries. Duh? That's pretty much the whole point of the drug. I was told not to exercise after this Thursday to avoid jostling around my mega-big ovaries. Sexy. Not that I've been doing much exercising lately, but this still seems like an awesome excuse to lay around and be extra lazy. Tonight is my second injection and tomorrow morning I go to another appointment to see if my hormones are still ok. Then I'll start another drug that suppressed ovulation while my follicles ripen and then another that triggers ovulation the night before my egg harvest.

I've been looking around for other blogs and info about the egg donation process and found this pretty awesome one that has day to day updates:

http://eggdonor.blogspot.com/

Sadly, I feel like all the blogs I've come across leave out the juicy details, such as, hormone induced mood swings, and sex. All I want to know is about the sex but nobody is giving me anything good. This other great blog just seems to encourage no sex ever!  http://askaneggdonor.com/when-you-say-no-sex-after-retrieval-what-do-you-mean/  But my boyfriend is not ever going to get me pregnant as he lacks sperm and all that so.......what about me? Lucky for you dear nonexistent readers, I don't kiss and tell but certainly, fuck and blog. It's for science.

Just say no........

This weekend a pleasant doctor from my fertility center called and told me that I passed my drug test. She also reminded me to stay away from dope and poppy seeds. No big deal. I'll just eye everything bagels with lust for the next few months.

Waiting and waiting and waiting........

So it's been a while. Actually it's been over 6 months. I know this because the fertility clinic called me to schedule a physical exam, pelvic exam, blood sample, and urine sample because it's been SO DAMN LONG. They kept reassuring me that I was an ideal candidate and somebody definitely wanted my eggs but I couldn't help feeling like a genetic loser. Nobody wants my short, brunette, vision-impaired eggs. If only I were tall and Asian......Oh, if only! Other than personal life drama nothing has happened in my oocyte donation world for months.......Until now...... First, personal drama! In March I was fired from my job! Boo! I misplaced a laptop. It was found. I was worried people would think I was a thief and was relieved when it turned up but apparently that didn't matter. I just pissed off the wrong person. Then I decided to get serious about grad school and started taking my prerequisite classes. Yay! To save money, I've moved back in with my older brother. Mixed feelings. That boy I was seeing right before I became accepted as a donor is now my boyfriend. Things are getting......not serious....just regular, with this boyfriend, who knows nothing about my egg donation. Secrets! Double Life! I started working part time as a dominatrix. I did this three years ago and it was a good way to make money. It hasn't been that profitable for me this time around and my family knows nothing about it. They know nothing about the Queerness either. Secret Triple/Quadruple Life! Ok, now oocyte drama. In late July, I got a call to come in because it's been 6th months since I had all those exams taken and they wanted to update them. Plus, they might have a family that wants my eggs. No big deal. If everything goes well they might even be able to harvest my eggs by August 14th! They quietly slipped it in the conversation so I thought it might be a test. I maintained my composure until they hung up. HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I might make $8,000 next month! Do you know what that is?! That's a quarter of my student loans! Wouldn't I love to chip away at those before taking new grad school loans in a year!? This is the best news I had gotten in months. I danced for joy. I called my husband (in the queer sense, not the legal sense) to tell him the good news. We agreed that he would dutifully pick me up after my harvesting and I would splurge on a cab and some Thai food. We would be happy and gay and rich and on painkillers! So, here's how the exams go at my clinic. I went through all of this in addition to a personality test and interview with a psychologist way back in December. Luckily, they assumed my mental health had remained more or less stable. First, the blood. This was used to test me for genetic disorders but now that that's out of the way, it's just to maintain that I am in good health. Not malnourished or diseased. Clean, nutrient rich blood. My blood needs to be an Ovaltine shake mixed with the laughter of babies. Maybe a touch of unicorn horn.

Next, we have the every pleasant pelvic exam PLUS sonic dildo (ultrasound wand). At this point, my examiner furrows her brow a bit and concernedly starts prodding my lower abdomen from the inside and outside at the same time. Such a creepy feeling. Upon insertion of the sonic dildo it's revealed that I have a fat-ass cyst on my left ovary. Not to worry. They're actually quite common and the blood tests will reveal if the cyst is estrogen-producing and cancerous or just being a moody bitch. Ovaries are like that. Finally, I obediently hop off the examining table, get my height and weight measured, and pee in a tiny plastic cup. The secretary at the front desk schedules a follow-up exam a week later to check on that cyst. Doesn't that sound sexy? Hey baby, let me check out that cyst.

One week later, my cyst was still there. Even worse, my urine tested positive for motherfucking opiates. I barely drink, let alone shoot heroin so that was a bit of a shock. Turns out, that myth about poppy seeds is true. Beware the Everything Bagel. after I almost cried they told me I would have a follow-up exam in a week to see if I could stay away from the crack (poppy seeds) and if the cyst went away. This morning I found out the cyst was still there! Three weeks later! I also left a fresh sample of my narcotic-free (hopefully) piss. Fingers crossed! I'm feeling so defeated

Birth Control. Huh?

Today at 7:15 AM I had my blood taken to ensure my hormone levels were A-OK for baby making. Luckily, the fertility center is right by my job so I'm usually able to pop in right before work. As always it was brief and painless. Unlike all my previous bloodwork, this had to be done at a really specific point in my period. The second to third day of heavy bleeding, to be exact. Now here's the weird part, I'm starting birth control today for the first time ever. EVER ever.

See as a queer lady, I'm used to sexing with people who won't get me pregnant, even though we try really hard sometimes. This is some new "Straight Girl" territory for me. It was almost a rite of passage for all my female friends to start birth control. I watched them complain about weight gain, boast about bigger boobs, mourn their diminished sex drive, and dance a happy dance over fewer cramps and breakouts. Everyone's reaction was so different and I wonder what will happen to ME?! I'm going to be on this shit for two months straight with no placebo week. That's right. I'm skipping the week of sugar pills where your period normally comes so I can get super duper fertile and get my period in synch with fertility center's harvesting date.

We'll see how this goes for me.........

Off to an egg-cellent start

Hello World,
I'm a young, broke, queer, overly educated, and most importantly, FERTILE woman looking to ease my financial woes by becoming an oocyte donor. Today was the last day of various tests to assure the good doctors at my fertility center that I am indeed carrying hundreds of healthy, rip-roarin, slap-yo-mama-you-so-fierce,
little bundles of joy.

Let's go back to the beginning, shall we? Once upon a time there was a girl with multi-colored hair wondering about the advertisements for egg donors in her college newspaper. You see, her college was one of them fancypants, prestigious, women's colleges; a veritable goldmine of ovaries with above average SAT scores. Now, this girl always thought this seemed like a great idea. She never really wanted babies of her own and was passionate about reproductive rights for both contraception AND fertility. Meaning that women who don't want babies should have access to birth control and education and women who do want babies shouldn't be vilified for using science, money, and other women's eggs to become mothers. Feminism, y'all. Trusting women to make the right choices for themselves. Plus, it seemed like a great way to help pay my growing student loans....

A few years later, I had moved back to the good old U.S. of A. from my three year post college stint in Europe. I had just turned 25 and I realized the real world is HARD! (Europe is not the real world) I will never have enough money to pay off my damn loans and afford to live the lavish lifestyle that I dream of! (by lavish I mean moving up from a studio in Queens to a real big girl one-bedroom!......in Queens. with a cat. maybe two.)

Soooooo I took the plunge and searched for "EGG DONOR NYC" on the interwebs.That started a few months ago. Today I got my baby hormones.........